


Charades

by PorcupineGirl



Series: Fallen Angels [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Asexual Jack Zimmermann, Asexuality Spectrum, Board Games, Dom/sub Undertones, Gray-Asexuality, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Interfering Friends, M/M, Sorry; turns out JLZ is a sub in every universe, i don't make the rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23547145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorcupineGirl/pseuds/PorcupineGirl
Summary: In which Shitty sticks his nose in where it doesn't belong one too many times, Tater and Ford help Jack and Bitty put him in his place, and Jack is confused (and maybe turned on) (but mostly confused).(Followup to Pulled From Orbit, please read that first.)
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Series: Fallen Angels [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693960
Comments: 18
Kudos: 82





	Charades

**Author's Note:**

> If you have not yet read _[Pulled From Orbit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22625959/chapters/54074920)_ (the first fic in this series), this will likely make absolutely no sense at all. I mean, you're welcome to give it a try, but don't get your hopes up (plus it kind of has spoilers for that, especially at the end).
> 
> This was originally most of Chapter 10 of PFA, but I was already iffy on it when RabbitRunnah, in her beta read, noted that the wacky-hijinx tone is pretty far off from the rest of the chapter (and the rest of the original story, tbh) and it would work better as a timestamp.

"Maybe we should talk to them about it this weekend," Bitty says. It's Thursday afternoon; they've been dating for exactly a week, and they still haven't told Shitty and Lardo. More surprisingly, neither Shitty nor Lardo seems to have noticed anything. Bitty and Jack just finished baking some brownies for the game night coming up on Friday, and now they're cuddled together on Bitty's bed before he has to go to work. Jack's head is on Bitty's chest, and he's trying not to doze off as Bitty plays with his hair. "We're just tempting fate to put it off too much longer."

Jack grimaces. "True. Maybe not until after the game night, though? We wouldn't be able to talk to them together until right before everyone gets here."

"Which means Shitty will still be going nuts about it," Bitty finishes. "You have a point. Everyone will be home during the day on Saturday, right? That'll be a perfect time. I'll text Tater and make sure he doesn't say anything."

When Shitty gets home that evening, he looks over the brownies Jack and Bitty baked. "These are for game night, right?"

"Yes." Jack gives him a stern look. "And if Bitty finds out you ate one early on my watch he'll kill us both, so stay away."

Shitty raises his hands innocently. "Okay, okay!" He wanders over to where Jack is digging through the refrigerator and leans on the counter next to him in an overly-casual sort of way. "So. Tater's coming tomorrow, right?"

"As far as I know," Jack says, finally finding his last bottle of Gatorade in the back of the fridge and grabbing it triumphantly.

"Good, good. Glad to hear it."

"You said a couple of the other guys who'll be on the hockey team are coming, right?" Jack says as he straightens up and closes the fridge. "I know you told them about me and Bitty, did you tell them Alexei's interested, too?"

"I sure did!" Shitty says. "I think you guys'll all get along like gangbusters, Jack. Tater included. I'm sure he'll fit right in with the group."

"Probably," Jack says, shrugging as he cracks open the Gatorade. "He's like the second friendliest person on earth besides Bitty, I think those two can get along with anyone. Even me."

"What?" Shitty says. "You're not hard to get along with, bro! And I'm _sure_ Tater doesn't think so."

Jack takes a swig of Gatorade and then gives Shitty an odd look. "Have you met me? Of course I'm hard to get along with. I didn't say two words to Alexei the first like three months I volunteered at his shelter."

"You were still adjusting to the whole not-an-angel thing," Shitty insists. "I'm sure he didn't take it as an insult. What's important is that he clearly likes you now, right?"

Jack is still looking at Shitty oddly. He feels like there's something Shitty is trying to say without saying it, but he's so bad at interpreting things like that. "I guess so," he finally says.

"Of course he does!" Shitty says, slapping Jack on the back as he passes by, heading out of the kitchen. "I'm glad he can come, brah."

* * *

Bitty is slightly less manic while preparing for this game night than the first one.

Slightly.

He still goes over the food with a fine-toothed comb, but Jack helped him make all of it and reassures him of its quality. And this time, when nobody's looking, Jack can hold him close and kiss his hair and tell him to breathe (and sometimes he even listens).

Most of the same crowd is there as before, plus Chris's wife Caitlin and Ransom and Holster, Shitty's two friends from his college hockey team who are married now. The only person who couldn't make it is Shruti; when Ford arrives, she launches into some elaborate explanation for Shruti's absence that Bitty nods along with but Jack quickly loses track of.

They start things off with Cards Against Humanity again, since it's easy for new people to join the game as they arrive. With so many people, they're somewhat sprawled across the living room. As Shitty leads Ransom and Holster into the living room, Bitty comes back in from grabbing drinks for Chris and Cait and plops down on the floor between Jack and Alexei.

After Shitty introduces his friends and gets them settled in, he nods toward the kitchen. "Hey, Bits, can you give me a hand with something real quick?"

Bitty looks up, surprised, but jumps to his feet. "Sure," he says.

Jack can just see into the kitchen from where he's sitting, so he can tell that Shitty doesn't actually have Bitty help him with anything. Instead, they stop a foot or two into the kitchen to talk quietly. The only part of it Jack can actually hear is a confused "Excuse me?" from Bitty.

Shitty comes back in looking pleased with himself. Bitty wanders in behind him, biting his lips and looking like he wants to laugh. Instead of sitting back down where he was, he nudges Jack with one foot until Jack scoots over toward Alexei to make room for him. Jack looks up at him curiously, but he just shakes his head as he sits down.

"What was that about?" Jack murmurs under the cover of everyone laughing as Lardo reveals the cards she has to choose from.

"I'll tell you in a bit," Bitty says.

After a few more rounds, the bowls of ranch dip and salsa are both getting low. Bitty reaches out and scoops them up from the coffee table. "Jack, gimme a hand?" he says as he stands with the bowls. "We should grab those mini-quiches, too."

"Oooh, mini-quiches?" Tater says, perking up.

"Jack helped make them!" Shitty says proudly. Jack smiles at Tater and shrugs, not sure why that's relevant.

When they get into the kitchen, Bitty sets the dip bowls down and pulls Jack into the far corner, one hand clamped over his mouth like he's trying not to laugh again.

"Guess what Shitty wanted to talk to me about," he whispers once they're far from the doorway.

Jack stares at him. "I have no idea."

"What did you notice when I came back in?" Bitty asks, putting his hands on Jack's arms.

Jack thinks. "You made me move over so you could sit on my other side?"

Bitty bites his lip and nods, eyes dancing. "Shitty told me not to sit between you and Tater!"

Jack squints at him. "What? Why?"

Bitty is bouncing with excitement by now. "Jack!" he hisses. "Shitty thinks you like Tater!" Jack's eyes go wide. "He pulled me aside and said 'Look, I know I wasn't supposed to say anything in front of you, but now that you know you know, right?' and I was like what on earth are you talking about? And he 'explained' to me that Tater is the person you're interested in, and told me not to sit between you and maybe give either of you a nudge if I see a chance."

"I'm going to fucking kill him," Jack says quietly, but Bitty shakes his head vigorously.

"No no no—I mean, yes, sort of, me too, but that's no fun, Jack. There must be some way we can use this to fuck with him, though. I don't know how yet, but there's got to be a way. We cannot let this opportunity slide, Jack! We were going to tell them tomorrow anyhow, so if it comes out tonight because of this that's fine. But he deserves it for butting in the way he has."

Jack nods. "You're right. I have no idea what we can do, but there must be something."

"We should bring Tater in on it," Bitty says decisively. "Before he mentions Vanessa or something and ruins everything. Although, if he does, you should act as heartbroken as possible, sweetheart."

"Should I go get him?" Jack asks, but Bitty stops him as he pulls away.

"Not right now!" Bitty squeaks. "That would be too suspicious, we don't need three people to carry stuff. I'll text him."

"Okay," Jack says. "Let me know when you do?"

"I'll text you both," Bitty says. "We better get back out there."

He tugs Jack down and Jack goes willingly into the kiss. It goes on maybe longer than it should, but they do have to make up for not being able to touch in front of everyone else.

They head back out with more dip and a tray of mini-quiches. Jack makes sure to hand a couple of quiches to Tater personally, where Shitty can see.

When the pizza arrives ten minutes later, there's some general confusion as Shitty and Lardo take them into the kitchen and almost everyone gets up—some to follow the pizzas, some to use the restroom, some to refill a drink. Jack's phone buzzes in his pocket at the same time Tater's does.

 **Bitty:** Ok, Tater, quick rundown of the situation: Shitty has been sticking his nose where it doesn't belong lately, and tonight that was in the form of telling me not to sit between you & Jack because he thinks Jack has been trying to romance YOU, not ME. I'm not sure how we're going to use this information, but please don't mention Vanessa for a bit, okay?

Tater's eyes fly to Jack's, and Jack sighs at the far-too-delighted look on his face. Then he abruptly walks past Jack toward the kitchen, typing away as he goes.

 **Tater:** Jack, why you not say something? I'm sure Vanessa will share!

 **Bitty:** WELL I WON'T

Jack blinks at his phone, absurdly pleased at Bitty's possessive reaction even though he knows both of them are joking. It makes something warm curl in his gut.

 **Tater:** I have perfect thing. I will flirt with B! 😍

Jack scowls at his phone.

 **Jack:** Wait I don't like this plan.

 **Tater:** I *pretend* flirt with B. No offense, B, but I'm definitely straight.  
But think about it. Shitty think you like me, he think I like Little B. Tragic love triangle! 😭

 **Bitty:** Should I like you back?  
Or should I be pining away for Jack?  
Btw Jack, you better come get your pizza.

Jack looks around—most people are coming back into the living room with their food already, so Bitty's right. He types as he heads to the kitchen.

 **Jack:** If Shitty hasn't noticed that we're into each other by now, why would he notice you pining for me tonight?

He passes Bitty coming out as he goes into the kitchen, and Bitty (who has his pizza in one hand and his phone in the other, typing one-handed—Jack has no idea how he manages that) winks at him.

 **Bitty:** Good point. Although, Shitty already told me you like Tater and told me not to get between you. So I can't, like, flirt back too much without looking like a terrible friend.  
But… I can certainly be responsive, y'know? What Tater does isn't my fault. 😇

 **Tater:** It kind of is.  
This time.

 **Jack:** So what's the end game? The party ends, Tater goes home, what's Shitty left thinking?

 **Bitty:** Hmm. Good question.  
I'll come up with something.  
For now, Jack you pine over Tater 💔 Tater pines over me 💔 I'll be half-oblivious and half-responsive.  
And Jack GET YOUR DANG PIZZA ALREADY. We should put our phones away for a bit before anyone gets suspicious.

 **Tater:** Good plan.

Soon everyone (even Jack) has their pizza and fresh drinks, and they start splitting up into smaller game groups again. Jack, Tater, and Bitty are sure to play the same game as Shitty, and this time they wind up with one called Betrayal at Hill House, or House Hill Betrayal, or something. Jack didn't quite catch it. The rules are a bit confusing, but what it comes down to is that they're all exploring a haunted house together, and at some point one of them will be turned into a monster and everyone else will have to escape them.

They manage to sit so that Tater is between them. Jack would be more annoyed at not sitting next to Bitty if it weren't for the fact that they're at the end of the table, so that he and Bitty end up directly across from each other. So not only can he see Bitty, Bitty can hook his ankle around Jack's under the table. It's reassuring, which is good because Tater falls into his role of flirting with Bitty easily. Too easily. Jack has to keep reminding himself that it's an act.

"No, B, why you run away from me?" Tater pouts. "You come explore second floor with me!"

Bitty sighs and moves his piece in the opposite direction he'd been planning on. "We don't really need two people up there right now, but okay. Just because your puppy dog eyes are so pitiful."

Tater gives Bitty a dopey smile, and hopefully Shitty thinks Jack is scowling because that dopey smile isn't pointed at him. Bitty catches the scowl and rubs Jack's calf with his toe.

Eventually Bitty gets turned into a werewolf, and since he'd been following Tater, he quickly turns him, too. Shitty is the person nearest, so Tater starts to go after him, but Shitty bounces in his seat. "Don't come after me! Go for Jack! You don't have to cross that chasm to get to him!" Jack hadn't been sure that Shitty had noticed what they're doing, but it's clear from the frantic way his eyes move between the three of them that he has. "Wouldn't you rather turn Jack? You guys can be werewolf… buddies."

"Jack is all the way in basement," Tater says. "And I'm not try turn you, I'm come to kill you. Me and Little B take you all down."

"You're vicious, bro," Ransom says. "Listen to that!"

"We'll have our little werewolf empire," Bitty agrees. "No puny humans allowed." The smile he gives Ransom has a dangerous edge to it, and Jack isn't sure why he likes it so much.

"If you turn Jack, you'll have a bigger and better werewolf empire," Shitty reasons.

"Technically," Caitlin pipes up, "if they turn us all, we all win, right? Either the monsters or the humans win, depending on which group gets killed off first. But if we're all monsters, we all win."

Things only devolve from there, as some of the human players beg the werewolves to turn them, but others who are more vulnerable and likely to be killed while trying to be turned try to get those humans to help destroy the werewolves.

Eventually, Tater does kill Jack. He's sort of too confused by the game to have gotten as competitive as usual, so he's not upset—but when Tater and Bitty high five and then lean their heads together to plot, he pretends to pout about it.

In the end, the werewolves win, though by that time Caitlin has been turned, too.

"I guess that means it's time for dessert!" Bitty announces as he stands up. "Jack, you wanna give me a hand—"

"Oh, I'm help!" Tater exclaims, shooting out of his chair. "Anything to get first taste of cherry pie." He manages to make that sound dirty enough that Jack isn't even acting when he frowns and stands up, too.

"I'll cut the pies," he says shortly. Shitty is watching him, looking worried enough that Jack almost feels bad.

The three of them make it into the kitchen, Tater touching Bitty's back lightly as they go, before Bitty bursts out giggling. Jack glances at the doorway to make sure they're out of sight, before pushing Bitty away from Tater and up against a counter, wrapped in his arms. He nuzzles into Bitty's hair as Tater chuckles.

"I think you're a little too convincing, Tater," Bitty says, his voice muffled by Jack's shirt. Jack just grunts, then lets Bitty go so they can actually get the desserts.

After he cuts the two pies, though, Bitty takes his hand. "You really okay, honey? We don't have to do this, it's just being silly."

Jack manages a small smile. "I'll live. I suddenly can't wait for everyone to know the truth, though."

"Feeling a little possessive?" Bitty asks, and something about his tone of voice wakes up the same warmth inside of Jack that he felt earlier at Bitty's text.

"Very," Jack mutters, his voice almost a growl. Bitty's face shifts, and suddenly he looks like he wants to devour Jack whole. It takes Jack a minute to realize that this is turning Bitty on. Maybe a lot. Maybe it's turning him on, too, but if it were, wouldn't he be sure of that? Shouldn't that be clear?

"Well I'm not worried," Bitty says, his voice low and dangerous. "Because you're _mine_ and only mine, and soon enough everyone will know that."

Then he turns and grabs the pies to take them into the living room, where Tater has already disappeared with a tray of cookies. Jack stares after him, more confused about what is happening inside himself than ever. Finally, he grabs the brownies and follows.

The group playing the other game isn't done yet, so the people who'd been playing the House on Betrayal Hill game settle back into another round of Cards Against Humanity. Ford has already been knocked out of whatever game they're playing, so she comes over too, bringing with her a couple of new decks she says Shruti just bought.

Once again, Tater is sitting between Jack and Bitty, but this time they're all sitting on the floor, so Jack can hardly even see Bitty. Somehow, though, he's more okay with it than before. Their conversation in the kitchen is lingering in his mind, reminding him that whatever act Tater puts on, he's the one who'll be sleeping in Bitty's bed tonight. Bitty is thinking about him as much as he's thinking of Bitty; he's given Jack a role to play, and Jack will play it.

Jack does his best, trying to make it look like he's sneaking looks at Tater when he's really looking at Bitty. Letting his face fall when Tater touches Bitty on the arm every chance he gets.

Shitty, meanwhile, is looking more distressed as the night goes on. Ford is looking at Jack funny, too, though. She's looking at all three of them funny, actually.

At one point, she follows Jack into the kitchen when he goes to get a drink. She grabs a Coke for herself and then leans on the counter while he refills his water glass, looking at him thoughtfully.

"What?" he asks.

"Is there something going on between Bitty and Alexei?" she asks quietly, still looking at Jack like _he's_ the one confusing her.

"Um." He's pretty sure they're not supposed to be trying to fool anyone other than Shitty. And anyhow, even playacting, Tater is just flirting with Bitty, they're not pretending to actually date. "Not that I know of."

He turns off the faucet and starts to turn around, but she stops him. "It's just—I thought there was something between _you_ and Bitty," she says carefully. "But tonight you're barely looking at each other. Is everything okay?"

Jack stares at her, feeling caught out. "How did you know that?"

Ford's face twists oddly, halfway between pity and amusement. "It was pretty obvious."

"Not to everyone," Jack mutters.

" _Is_ everything okay?" Ford asks again, and Jack can tell she's sincerely worried about him.

"It's fine," he insists. She doesn't deserve to worry so much just because Shitty is nosey, so he drops his voice. "Yes, Bitty and I are dating. But Shitty doesn't know yet, and we just found out that he thinks I have a crush on Tater. So we're just messing with him."

Her eyes light up. "I love it. Can I play?"

"Text Bitty," Jack says, and gives her his phone number. He's pretty sure Bitty won't mind.

As they return to the game, Bitty gets the text. His eyes flick to Ford and back down to his phone, a grin spreading over his face. He nudges Tater and shows him, and they take full advantage of the situation, bending their heads close together, Tater bringing one hand up to rest on Bitty's back. This time, Jack has to bite the inside of his lip to keep from smiling.

Apparently Ford's involvement was all the inspiration Bitty needed, because within minutes, they all get a text with a rundown of the rest of the plan.

The next step takes a bit of patience; given that people will probably start leaving in an hour or so, they may or may not even get to do it. But since Tater and Ford are both there alone, they can stay later if needed. They just need Shitty to be alone for a few minutes—it'd be great if it's upstairs, but downstairs will work, too.

Luckily, they get their chance only about twenty minutes later, when Shitty gets up to use the restroom. He shoots Bitty a glare as he does, probably because Tater has his arm on the couch behind him, not quite around him but close enough. Jack is pretty sure Bitty and Shitty have texted a couple of times.

"Oh, hey, this might be a good time for me to grab that book you wanted to borrow," Jack says, nudging Ford.

"Cool, yeah," she says, and gets up to follow him upstairs to his room.

They _happen_ to walk past the closed bathroom door on their way to the staircase.

"Jack," she says, tugging on his sleeve to stop him. "We shouldn't. Not with everyone here."

Jack doubts he's much of an actor, but he tries to imagine he's talking to Bitty. "You could stay tonight instead. You said she usually stays at her place when she has late shifts."

"I can't do that!" Ford insists. "Your housemates would all notice!"

"Denice, everyone's busy right now. They won't notice if we're gone for ten minutes."

Ford looks at him in a way that he'd really only like Bitty to look at him. "You're saying you can get me off in ten minutes?"

Jack rolls his eyes, face burning. The text had only mentioned them pretending to go upstairs to make out; apparently that wasn't dramatic enough for Ford. "Come on," he mutters, just as the toilet flushes.

They rush up the stairs and Ford goes straight into the wrong bedroom, collapsing, giggling, on Bitty's bed.

"Wrong room!" Jack hisses, jerking his head toward his own room across the hall. He doesn't particularly like the way her eyes light up at that.

She pulls him into the room and closes the door behind him. "All the better to cause a scandal, my dear!" Jack puts his face in his hands as she flops back down on the bed, giggling.

"I can't believe I agreed to this."

"I'm telling Bitty you're eating me out in his room," Ford says, typing away on her phone with a manic grin.

"Oh my God. This is not what I signed up for."

"Wait. Are you even into girls? I'm just assuming because Bitty suggested this. Does Shitty know if you're into girls? Will he buy that you're experienced enough with girls to make me come in ten minutes?"

Jack blinks at her, not sure which question to answer first. The only one he even _knows_ the answer to is the last one—but wait, if he's that good at playing hockey without any practice, who knows what else he might be unknowingly good at.

"I'm… not sure I know the answer to any of those questions."

Ford's eyebrows fly up and Jack winces. That was probably not a normal human thing to say, but the evening's events have left him a little overwhelmed. He's got too many new lies to keep track of to remember the old lies. Luckily, Ford's expression quickly shifts to one of pity. "Oh, Jack. Why does that not even shock me?"

"I don't know," Jack says honestly, because he has no idea what she might possibly think about him that would lead her to find that to be a plausible answer.

His phone buzzes and he sighs, knowing he'll find a text from Bitty.

 **Bitty:** You better not get my sheets all gross.

 **Jack:** Shut up. I don't know how I let you talk me into this.

 **Bitty:** Oh, sweetheart. You're taking all this so well, though. You've shown excellent restraint in not kicking Tater's ass.

 **Jack:** It's not easy.

 **Bitty:** I know, honey. You're doing such a good job.  
❤️❤️❤️😘  
Just remember, Ford and Tater both know who you really belong to.

Jack has the distinct feeling Bitty knows that that's making his cheeks heat.

"You better not be sexting right now," Ford says, not looking up from her own phone.

"What? Why would I do that?"

Ford just raises an eyebrow and stares at him for a minute. He finally rolls his eyes and sits down in the armchair in the corner of Bitty's room.

 **Bitty:** Ford says I should keep saying whatever it is I'm saying to you, because then you'll for sure look like you just had sex when you come down.

Jack has no idea what to do with that, so he just glares at Ford.

She doesn't even look up to see him glaring at her, as far as he can tell, but she still says, "You know I'm right."

 **Jack:** I do not look like I just did anything.

 **Bitty:** That's too bad.

 **Bitty:** Because I was starting to think maybe you liked the idea of everyone knowing you're mine.  
Maybe you'd like it if Shitty and Lardo caught you coming out of my room in the morning. Not because they'd know we're together, but they'd know that *you* come to *me*. You sleep where I tell you to.

Jack swallows as he realizes that he's starting to feel pressure building that is in no way metaphorical—his jeans actually feel a little tighter.

 **Jack:** How are you doing that  
Please stop doing it while I'm stuck in a room with Ford.

 **Bitty:** Oh wow, is that working even better than I realized?

 **Jack:** Look I don't really understand what is going on but I need you to not say things like that right now.

He pauses for a second, then hurriedly adds:

 **Jack:** But then you can say things like that all you want later when we're alone.

He isn't even sure what "things like that" means, but he has a feeling that Bitty will be happy to help him figure it out. In the meantime, he switches to a game Bitty downloaded onto his phone in an attempt to clear his mind and get rid of what he is pretty sure are the beginnings of an erection before he has to stand up.

"Okay," Ford says a couple of minutes later, hopping up off the bed. "It's been eleven minutes. Ten for us to both get off and one for you to go wash your hands afterward. I doubt you'd really go for the mess of going down on me right now, but I'd definitely blow you to make cleanup easier."

Jack shakes his head, blinking. "I don't need a detailed analysis, thanks."

She looks at him over critically as he stands up, and he's really glad he played that candy game now. "Untuck your t-shirt," she says, motioning to the shirt he's wearing under his flannel. "And here." As he's untucking his shirt, she reaches up and flicks a couple bits of his hair. He glances in Bitty's mirror—his hair doesn't look messy, but he can believe that someone's had their hands in it. She reaches up and messes with her own hairband so it's slightly askew.

Jack slips into his own room and grabs a random book off his shelf. He hands it to Ford in the hallway just as his phone buzzes again.

 **Bitty:** Ford says you're on the way back down. Just remember that you only went up there with her because I told you to.

Jack sighs and squeezes his eyes shut, shoving the phone back in his pocket. Ford slips into the upstairs bathroom as he heads for the stairs, so they won't reappear together.

Jack struggles with himself for a moment, then as he reaches the bottom of the stairs, he pulls his phone back out and looks over the texts one more time. If Bitty wants him to seem turned on when he comes back to the living room… well, he'll do that, then, and not think too hard about it.

He tries to ignore Shitty's wide-eyed stare as he sits back down next to Tater. He glances at Bitty, who thankfully is doing his best to look completely innocent. Jack is sure that soon he'll be very glad that Bitty has figured out the apparent key to his sex drive, but right now he's just annoyed that it had to happen in the middle of a god damned _game night_ with nine other people in the house.

"Jack, where you go?" Tater asks casually. "You miss best one of night!"

"Oh, there was a book I told Ford she could borrow," Jack mutters, focusing on the cards in his hand. "Couldn't find it."

He gets another text as he plays a card.

 **Shitty:** What the hell, Jack?

 **Jack:** ????

He looks up at Shitty quizzically. Shitty gives him a pointed look.

 **Shitty:** Did you just fuck Ford?

 **Jack:** What the fuck Shitty  
NO

He looks at Shitty like he's crazy, which isn't hard. Shitty narrows his eyes, but it's his turn to read the cards.

While he does so, Tater scoots a little closer to Bitty. Bitty playfully swats at him. "Are you trying to see my cards, Mr. Mashkov?"

"Don't cheat, Tater," Jack says, glaring at him. At this point, he's not sure his own fictional motivations even make sense to him—is he sleeping with Ford _and_ crushing on Tater?—but he figures the more it confuses Shitty, the better.

"I not _cheat_ ," Tater says as he glares back. He leans in toward Jack and continues, quietly enough that Shitty should be able to hear but hopefully Caitlin, Ransom and now Chris and George, all at the other end of the group, can't. "Cheat imply that I agree to rules." Ford happens to sit back down on Jack's other side right then, and Jack has no idea how she managed to time that so beautifully. Tater glances at her as she does. "You are one to talk about cheat, anyhow."

Holster and Lardo are the only two left playing the other game, and just then Holster crows in victory. Lardo gets up and stretches. "Winner gets to put the game away," she says, and wanders over to where the rest of them are sitting. Shitty immediately gets up and pulls her away. Jack glances at Tater and Bitty, who is watching them shrewdly. He types something on his phone, and Jack, Tater and Ford all get a text.

 **Bitty:** Lardo is gonna see right through us.

 **Jack:** He's right.

 **Ford:** Well, it was fun while it lasted.

 **Alexei:** B, nothing can dim my love for you. Not even Lardo.

Sure enough, a minute or two later Lardo sticks her head back into the living room. Shitty is behind her, hissing something like "Lards, no, what are you doing?", but she keeps him held back with one hand.

"Bitty, Tater, Jack, Ford. Get your asses in here."

They look at each other guiltily and all stand up. Everyone else starts making "oooohhhhhhhh" noises.

"Somebody's going to the principal's office," Ransom says.

"They're definitely up to something, Lardo," Caitlin calls across the room. 'I don't know what, but they've all been looking shifty as hell all night."

They file into the kitchen, not looking at each other. Not necessarily out of guilt; more like every time two of them make eye contact, one of them almost starts laughing. Even Jack has to bite his lip after he glances at Ford.

Shitty looks between them all nervously, and Jack can't tell what he's thinking. Does he still think they're all after each other? Does he know they're messing with him? Somewhere in between?

Lardo closes the kitchen door, then positions herself in front of them all, arms crossed.

"Shitty just told me an interesting story," she says.

"Shitty should probably mind his own business," Ford cuts in. Jack is impressed with how well she sells it, crossing her own arms and shifting her weight to one side as she raises an eyebrow at Shitty.

"See?" Shitty says quietly, as though they weren't all five feet away. "I'm not imagining things."

Lardo rolls her eyes. "Shits, I didn't say you were." She sighs and looks at them all calmly. "Game's over, guys. Could you all please tell Shitty that you're fucking with him and none of you are actually sleeping together?"

The four of them look at each other. Ford is holding in laughter. Tater raises his eyebrows innocently, looking back and forth between Jack and Bitty and shrugging. Bitty bites his lip and raises his eyebrows at Jack.

"No, we can't," Jack says, turning back to Lardo.

Shitty makes a strangled sound as Lardo freezes. Her glare suddenly turns suspicious. "No? You're not fucking with him?"

"Okay, yes, we're fucking with him," Jack says, deadpan.

"See?" Lardo says, sweeping her hand across them as she looks up at Shitty. "Nobody here is going behind anybody's backs, nobody is secretly sleeping with anyone else."

"He didn't say that," Ford says calmly. "He said we couldn't tell you that _both_ of the things you said were true."

Lardo's head snaps back toward them as Shitty lets out a yelp. Her gaze pins down each of them in turn, before she suddenly points at Ford.

"You. You're not cheating on Shruti. You're not banging any of these three."

"That is a true statement. Two, in fact," Ford says with a satisfied smile.

"You guys faked that?" Shitty exclaims. "On purpose? And I fell for it?"

Lardo holds up a hand for him to be quiet as she scrutinizes the other three, running her tongue over her teeth. Jack suspects she's starting to enjoy this.

"So, Shitty has been telling me for a while now that Jack is into Tater. He was sure that when you two went to see Spider-Man, it was a date—or at least, Jack wanted it to be. He wasn't sure if Tater thought of it that way or not. Now he tells me that Tater has been flirting with _Bitty_ all night, and that Jack was acting jealous of this fact up until Ford got involved, though maybe also after? Given that Tater is clearly in on the fucking with Shitty part, I think we can assume that he's not actually into Bitty. Which leaves us with two options. One, Jack and Tater are together, but for some reason you guys wanted to mess with him before telling us. It's not clear why you'd do that, though, if he was right all along, even if he _has_ been kinda nosey about it. Which leaves me leaning toward option two, which is—" She turns to Shitty. "That you're a fucking idiot, babe."

Jack snorts and Bitty finally bursts into giggles as Shitty turns wide, betrayed eyes on her. " _What?_ " He looks around at the four of them. "Okay, okay, I call uncle," he says, shaking his head. "If you wanted to fuck with me, congrats, consider me fucked with."

"You told me Jack never told you who he was interested in, right?" Lardo asks.

"No, but—who else could it _be?_ " Shitty turns to Jack. "No offense, brah, but you don't exactly have a packed social calendar. And an action movie is even one of the 'not-quite-dates' I suggested!"

"The movie wasn't even Jack's idea," Bitty says, looking at Shitty strangely. "I'm the one who suggested that."

Shitty squints at him. "You suggested that Jack and Tater go see Spider-Man?"

"I suggested that Jack, Tater, _and I_ go see it," Bitty says patiently. "Why did you think— _ohhhhh_. They picked me up from work, and I went out with Ford and Shruti afterward, so you didn't see me with them on either end."

"Can confirm," Ford breaks in. "We ran into them after some movie or other, at least."

"But…" Shitty looks at Jack helplessly. "Who else do you even hang out with?"

"Wow," Tater says, as Bitty puts his face in his hands.

"Shits," Lardo says quietly. "Who else _does_ he hang out with? Who did he take ice skating? Who did he spend a whole _day_ with last weekend?"

They watch as Shitty finally puts the pieces together. Tater, who was between Jack and Bitty, takes a couple steps back, and they take it as an excuse to gravitate toward each other.

"Seriously?" Shitty asks. "Like seriously, not fucking with me, for real seriously?"

"I honestly _cannot_ believe y'all hadn't noticed," Bitty says as Jack slips an arm around his waist.

"Eh, I'm not shocked Shitty didn't," Jack says. "I was expecting Lardo to figure it out a lot sooner than this, though. We've been together for a week, guys, but I'm pretty sure we were being obvious about it a lot longer than that."

Lardo crosses her arms defensively. "It's because you're—" Her eyes flick to Tater and Ford. "New around here. I know better than to put much stock into _new people's_ reactions and body language because you're not used to things. I noticed you guys staring at each other a couple times, but I didn't think it was because you actually had a crush, I thought you just… didn't know not to act like that."

"I have no idea what that means," Ford says slowly, "but I think it's our cue to get out of here and let the housemates hash this out between themselves, Tater. C'mon."

Once they're gone, Lardo tries again. "Look, your first couple months here, you both had all kinds of random reactions to situations, right? You'd stare at things you shouldn't stare at, or find something confusing, or think something was way cooler or more interesting than it really was. And it still happens sometimes. So if one of you is staring at the other, even looking kinda goofy about it, I assumed it was because you just… forgot that that's not how you look at someone platonically, y'know? It happens. Plus, I wasn't sure about Jack's whole sexuality situation, so I've been trying not to assume anything there."

Shitty is still looking at them suspiciously. "I'm not sure why you wanted to fuck with me in the first place, but this would definitely be the most effective way to do it…"

Jack sighs and bends down to kiss Bitty. It's a kiss that can't be written off as a joke between two friends, one that makes it clear that this is not the first time they've done this.

They get a second of warning in the form of a high-pitched noise before Shitty crashes into them, hugging them both tightly and jumping up and down.

"We're happy for you," Lardo says, sounding amused. "Seriously. You're obviously really, really good for each other. But why all the bullshit tonight?"

Jack clears his throat and extracts himself from Shitty's grip. "You remember when you brought up me trying to date someone a couple weeks ago? In front of Bitty?"

Shitty grimaces. "Yeah?"

"I may have misinterpreted that," Bitty admits, "and it may have led to us not talking for a week before we got our shit together."

"I mean, it's not really your fault that it took us a week to figure it out," Jack says.

"That was entirely my fault," Bitty says.

"It was… okay, that was _mostly_ your fault, but not _entirely_ ," Jack clarifies. "I could've kept us from getting to that point in the first place. But anyhow, Shits, when you did it again tonight…"

"Did what again?" Lardo asks, eyes narrowed at Shitty. "What did you say two weeks ago?"

"I told Shitty I was interested in someone," Jack explains. "It sounds like he told you that much. A couple weeks ago, he asked me about it in front of Bitty, because he didn't _know_ it was Bitty."

"Actually, I was pretty sure it was Tater by that point," Shitty admits.

"So I freaked out when he did that, and Bitty thought I was freaking out because Shitty was talking about someone _else_ I was pursuing and that I'd been leading _him_ on, so he avoided me all week until I trapped him in the kitchen a week ago. Then tonight, Shitty pulled Bitty aside and told him I had a crush on Tater and not to sit between us because of it."

"Shits!" Lardo smacks at him. "You deserved whatever they pulled. If I'd known what was going on I would've helped them."

"I know, I know," Shitty says, hands in the air. "I get it. I will mind my own business, okay? No housemate gossip."

When they get back out to the living room, it's clear that Tater and Ford have told the rest of the party the story, and there is much whooping and cheering for Bitty and Jack. It's embarrassing, but it's worth it when Bitty curls up in Jack's arms to play their last game of the night, a confusing card game that Jack doesn't even try to keep up with. He just holds onto Bitty, hoping he'll get to keep this contentment he's feeling for the rest of his time on earth.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me tell you, [the argument I had](https://porcupine-girl.tumblr.com/post/189982875804/me-jack-is-ace-in-this-fic-he-is-not-sexually) with the D/s gremlin that tries to get its grubby little hands on every damn fic I write when it reached out to grab Chapter 10 of PFA...
> 
> Will there be an E-rated followup? Well, unlike most of this, it's not written yet, so I'm not making any promises, but it would be a real shame to awaken all this in Jack and not see where it goes...
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> P.S. The actual name of the game they were playing is Betrayal at House on the Hill.


End file.
